March 20, 2020

In these unprecendented times I just wanted a place to go to write out my thoughts and feelings.  Who knew several months ago that the world would be turned upside down with a virus, Covid-19.  So much time spent wasted on facebook looking at updates and other people's thoughts.  Grocery stores out of toilet paper of all things. No one knew the term "social distancing".  Everything canceled and postponed with unknown end dates.  New numbers every day, and still climbing.  Going to work and being screened and screening my employees. Scared to death to get this virus and give it to a patient or her newborn.  Afraid to let my kids see friends for fear I will get sick. Navigating that with a teenager is HARD!  I feel helpless and overwhelmed. I give in.  I give up.  I fight with her.  I yell at my husband. I hope this will be helpful for me to process my thoughts and feelings.  I am an introvert and I don't ever say much, though much swirls around in my mind.  Afraid for my college age daughter who has to come home but has still been out in the community.  She finally started to "get it" and panicked the other day.  Trying to keep her calm yet reminding her that it is serious.  Trying to help her see things in perspective.  People aren't going to war physically and possibly never coming home. You will see your friends next fall.  Trying not to get angry at her for still driving across the state and going out to eat before the restaurants all closed.  Sad for all the athletes who didn't get their lasts.  Sad for seniors who didn't get their lasts and don't know when or if they will.  I'm not good with words.  My thoughts will just tumble out.  If you stumble across my blog maybe you will relate, maybe you won't and will think it is stupid. For lent I didn't give up anything.  I never have.  I probably won't again.  But I did promise myself that I would finally read the lenten devotional I have had for over ten years and never read beyond the first day and that I would not miss a day unless I was working a long shift.  So far, I have only missed one or two days.  But I am up to date.  I am also doing the lenten activity from church.  And I am starting a new devotional book.  It seems like a lot, but God has given me the room and the time to do it.  I'm hoping it will keep me grounded and give me peace in times of uncertainty  Who knew my kids would be home from school for weeks and we might have to cancel spring break.  Lots to contemplate.  I'm private and I don't want family reading this.  But I do want a place for my thoughts, so here it is.

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