My Place For Thinking

The girls sleep longer and longer, we have no where to go, nothing to do, so we sit here and schedules are all off kilter.  Emotions are running high today.  It feels tense.  Emily baked for us so we will have chocolate trifles for dessert today, but I wonder to myself, does she have corona and did she lick her fingers when putting the trifles together.  Should I eat one.  Sydney just lays in bed and watches disney or netflix.  I just scroll through facebook, all. day.  I read a little but can't concentrate on my book.  My back has been bothering me and I can't get in to the chiropractor unless it is an emergency.  It probably isn't, but I have to work 12 hours tomorrow night and Monday.  Will it make it worse?  do I lay low or do I keep moving around?  I was good yesterday morning and then I did some clean up in the closet and probably made it worse and then it was bothering me when we were outside yesterday playing can jam....

I have not been out of the house since Thursday.  I met Emily to bring her some stuff and pick up some stuff for her move home on Saturday.  I agree with the mandate that all people need to stay home.  Marc sees it differently.  He sees it from an economic perspective, but I say health right now is more important.  We will be fine.  We have a lot to fall back on.  But if we get this virus, we may not be fine.  Emily is worried because she has asthma..  I do not want to get this and bring it to work.  What if we don't have enough PPE for the future.  I believe Holland Hospital will be prudent in their use and pull it out when it absolutely becomes necessary.  For now, one mask a day.  I need to pick up hours or marc will totally freak out.  Thankfully, we don't have any big expenses.  Sydney's birthday is Sunday.  I feel horrible for her.  But she is handling it like a trooper.  We will reschedule....

I have had a couple hard days trying to process all of this that is going on in our world right now.  The virus, the quarantines, the economy.  Trying to figure out what is appropriate for me and my family. Trying to stay healthy because I am scared to death to be carrying this virus and unknowingly infect a mom or baby at work.  Dealing with a selfish child who can’t see beyond herself and tells us we can’t keep her in lock down in our home.  And then to top it off my husband’s company is laying people off today I’m thanking God that he is and has been their number one sales rep so they are keeping him on but with a 10% pay cut.  So much stress and a husband who is stressed, and he’s always been the strong one.  And our older daughter in tears because she has to move home tomorrow and leave all her “people”.  I keep trying to be the strong one and telling everyone to keep it all in perspective but yet I still feel the anxiety and the fear and am so ...

In these unprecendented times I just wanted a place to go to write out my thoughts and feelings.  Who knew several months ago that the world would be turned upside down with a virus, Covid-19.  So much time spent wasted on facebook looking at updates and other people's thoughts.  Grocery stores out of toilet paper of all things. No one knew the term "social distancing".  Everything canceled and postponed with unknown end dates.  New numbers every day, and still climbing.  Going to work and being screened and screening my employees. Scared to death to get this virus and give it to a patient or her newborn.  Afraid to let my kids see friends for fear I will get sick. Navigating that with a teenager is HARD!  I feel helpless and overwhelmed. I give in.  I give up.  I fight with her.  I yell at my husband. I hope this will be helpful for me to process my thoughts and feelings.  I am an introvert and I don't ever say much, though mu...