March 26, 2020

The girls sleep longer and longer, we have no where to go, nothing to do, so we sit here and schedules are all off kilter.  Emotions are running high today.  It feels tense.  Emily baked for us so we will have chocolate trifles for dessert today, but I wonder to myself, does she have corona and did she lick her fingers when putting the trifles together.  Should I eat one.  Sydney just lays in bed and watches disney or netflix.  I just scroll through facebook, all. day.  I read a little but can't concentrate on my book.  My back has been bothering me and I can't get in to the chiropractor unless it is an emergency.  It probably isn't, but I have to work 12 hours tomorrow night and Monday.  Will it make it worse?  do I lay low or do I keep moving around?  I was good yesterday morning and then I did some clean up in the closet and probably made it worse and then it was bothering me when we were outside yesterday playing can jam.  I try to stretch.  I just don't know.  Hopefully Ibuprofen and a heating pad make the difference.  I just need it to go back into alignment on its own so I can work.  .I need to work.  I'm afraid what I will find when I get to work.  It has been over a week since I have been there.  What is the new normal?  I watch videos and read posts of nurses in Detroit.  Please God, don't let it get that bad in Holland.  Why are my friends so stupid and disregard this.  Sure we'll still go to Florida.  Sure we just got home from Florida.  Why do they take this so lightly and let their kids go all over and hang out with whoever they want.  Part of me is so mad I want one of them to get it and be scared to death.  But I know that is not the attitude I should have.  I pray no one is horribly affected by this other than the inconvenience of it which is a small price to pay.  And Marc just does his thing, every morning.  Doesn't think I know or doesn't care.  He needs to get over himself.  So selfish.  Maybe I am too.  I'm sick of my friends not caring.  Never responding.  Not being true friends or even noticing what I'm going through or caring.  They say they are so discerning.  But they aren't.  For years they haven't had a clue.  They never ask.  I am alone.  I feel alone  But I'm not.  I know God knows and cares.  I'm glad he does, or I wouldn't anymore.  I'm spiraling so I will stop now.

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